Friday, May 13, 2011

The War is won, but Skrimishes are On

Campions - 2010/2011
First of all, the blog would like to apologize to its readers for the relative period of inactivity; don’t they clash with the clasicos especially when Barca wins? No doubt more than few readers would be smelling a conspiracy theory; in case you did not know smelling a conspiracy theory in anything related to the Clasicos is the IN thing these days. However, Another Prick In The Wall solemnly assures its readers that there’s none of those shady dealings going on here; suffice to say the writer was just busy all this while.
Anyway, now that the ugly miniseries is finally over, this blog can focus on other colorful aspects of the Spanish league. As far as footballing matters go, Barca have won their third in a row and twenty first over all league with two games to spare. Media reports emanating from the self important smug wave down in Catalunya strive to drive home one point: Football won. Well as if the blog hasn’t heard that enough. So with conscious effort APTW has decided to skip over the soddy, happy tear stained reports from Catalunya pausing only to congratulate Barcelona for their victory over Real Madrid. It does take a consistent team to win a league, but given the state the Spanish La Liga is in with its two dog affair, credit has to be given to Barcelona for not mucking up 3-4 games more than Real Madrid.

3rd in a Row, 9th in 3 Years
The capital club, having to watch the league trophy do a runaway bride with Barcelona for yet another season chose to still go ahead with celebrations, but with the bridesmaid - the cosmetically enhanced Copa Del Rey - coincidentally, on the same day that Barcelona decided to do their traditional parade. Being forced to act out a farcical charade was very evident with the Real Madrid players given the fact that they are not as good at acting as the Barcelona ‘uns and especially because the parade to the Cibeles was already played out the night they actually won the trophy. Talking about trophies, Guardiola’s team has now won 9 trophies in 3 years already eclipsing the overrated Dream Team which won the same number, but in seven years. The ever so modest philosopher commented that the current team is still not as good as the dream team. The blog wonders if that is because the Dream Team featured a Guardiola with a hairy scalp in the center of the pitch and the current team features him on the sidelines sans the hair.
While all the smugness is rife in Catalunya, the Madrid based media are trying to make the most out of a significant piece of news released from Platini’s dark corner. Barca’s pet has allegedly decided to take Oscar Nominee Sergio Busquets to task over an alleged racial abuse on Real Madrid full back Marcelo, based upon a video footage released by Madrid and Marcelo’s confirmation to the same. If proved guilty, Busquets stands a chance of getting banned for five games and missing the Champions League final in Wembley. The ever so honest Busquets has proclaimed his innocence in all this saying that the footage caught him telling Marcelo “Mucho Morro” (You’ve got some nerve) and not “Mono Mono” (Monkey Monkey) as alleged by the dark forces of Mordor. The blog would actually be inclined to believe this version had it not been for the slinky way in which Busquets covered his mouth to tell Marcelo that he’s got some nerve. Ahh well, since the blog feels that it’s intelligence levels have been challenged to the extreme, it’s better to move on to the next hotpot.
"You've got some nerve!"...Seriously?!
Hotpot is indeed the word seeing as in these final few days when club managements and fans alike, go to any extent to support their teams just so that they get those extra points which can guarantee them an European berth or avoid them being relegated, the fans of Sporting Gijon have turned to a novel idea. Four renowned “actresses” who have made their name in the lucrative pornographic industry decided to endorse Sporting Gijon. The resulting video did give the blog some kicks. Watch it here. None of this booty is waiting for poor Royston Drenthe who has been turned into the prime villian for Hercules downfall (literally) by the erring Hercules president Vincent Botella. Hercules fans revolted against the Hercules team this midweek after the team’s dismal showing confirming an exit to Segunda. While Botella’s actions are a bit justified given the fact that Drenthe isn’t a permanent player at Hercules, the blog just can’t seem to fathom how Drenthe is to be blamed after being one of the standout players for Hercules, until the cash flow stopped that is. Way back in the winter following Drenthe’s dressing room revolt over non-payment of his wages, Botella commented that others are also not getting paid and yet they haven’t revolted. If this was some kind of “proof” to vindicate his claim that Drenthe was wrong in revolting for not being paid, then the blog feels that Botella needs to do a quick trip to the best psychiatric ward in Alicante.
Things aren’t too bright in Madrid as well. Discounting the polluted weather to which all the suits in the city contribute, Madrid’s other half is positively fuming about Quique Sanchez Flores who by the look of things made his final address to the press, trying (and failing) to clarify the Forlan issue. Fans feel it has come a bit too late seeing as Forlan is off on a Turkish adventure in Besiktas joining former rivals Guti and Rijkaard. Which is exactly why Atletico president Enrique Cerezo has signed Luis Enrique giving Flores the boot. Real Madrid fans would be rubbing their hands in glee at the prospect of seeing Luis Enrique having to lose from the sidelines seeing as Atletico habitually rolls over for the capital’s biggest club year on year. However, this shock move of Cerezo, Atletico’s yin, has been largely well received in Madrid. However, the Atletico’s yang, Angel Gil Marin has reportedly refused an offer from an American investment company to purchase the 56% of stake he owns at the clubs. Fans have longed to see the back of Gil Marin for time immortal, but have once again been thwarted by the leprechaunic genius.

A Turk too many?
Down at the dark gates of Mordor, everyone is finally coming to terms with the fact that they are not going to win anything this season except the trophy which they already dropped and broke, especially self proclaimed biggest Madridista in the world Alfaro Relano brooding in his blog that the ugliness of the clasico was nobody’s fault really and everyone’s fault at the same time and that everyone should take efforts to make it a spectacle for football and not the ugliness that the four matches were associated with. Fine sentiments really, but way out of the line given it was Relano writing. Meanwhile, transfer speculations are rife in Madrid. Nuri Sahin has officially signed for Real Madrid from the coming season giving news dailies like Marca, AS and even the club’s official website premature orgasms. AS has built up a couple of cases; one being that Real are going to sign yet another Turk in Hamit Altintop and follow it up with signing Fabio Coentrao from Benfica; giving Lady Gago, Pedro Leon, Lassana Diarra and Granero the boot in the process. The other truly laughable case builds up on the recently concluded luncheon between Perez and Juventus CEO Beppe Marotta and suggests that the two clubs are looking for a mega swap deal involving Chiellini, Melo & Amauri swapping shores with Benzema and Higuain. While the three players match the description of the kind The Special One prefers (in being “useless in front of goal” and “thugs away from the goal”), it is unlikely that even Mourinho would want to do away with the entirety of Real Madrid’s forward line. The Catalan dailies meanwhile, after their futile attempts at getting Llorente to sign for Barca in the winter, are trying to keep up with the news that Villarreal’s Rossi would be interested in joining Barcelona.

With all this sensational news making the rounds, there still has been time to reflect on the relegation battle, so much so in fact that the number crunchers at AS have come up with a number: 3,486,784,401 possible combinations for relegation. What this means is that technically nine teams: Zaragoza, Getafe, Deportivo, Sporting, Real Sociedad, Levante & Osasuna stand to be relegated in the coming two weeks. Almeria and Hercules are confirmed slinkers, but 1 slot is open for the aforementioned nine teams to slink away in shame. Given this fact, club managers are running about in paranoia; offering ridiculously low priced tickets to fans in the coming two weeks so that they can cheer their teams for promotion. After all, Spain is the only place in the world where even global powerhouse clubs have to appeal to the fans to come and support them.


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