Saturday, July 23, 2011

Faking News: Why the Cesc Transfer Saga Remains a Saga

Moc, Moc or Mock, Mock?

As you can see, Another Prick In The Wall hasn’t been writing lately. But it isn’t because APTW has been mulling over the possibility of seeing Thong Boy in a Gorilla Snot Hair Gel sponsored Real jersey ala Bimbo sponsoring Chivas Guadalajara. It’s actually because the blog has been trying to get an exclusive take from the Barcelona authorities on the Cesc transfer saga, which admittedly is not a very difficult thing to do, as they all love to talk about Cesc down in Catalaunya, about how much he wants to return and how much they want him back and how those sods in Arsenal are making the poor guy suffer by not letting him go for free. No, but the blog wanted to know why Barcelona are not ready to spend a shade over 40 million to secure Cesc, when they can spend 37 million for Sanchez, drafting up the prints of the agreement in black and white and saving on color toners.

After a bit of skullduggery on its part, the blog did manage to secure an exclusive interview with Sandro Rossel and Barca’s financial bigwig Javier Faus, no less! So here’s the exclusive:

APTW: What do you want to say about Cesc?
Rossel: Don’t you read “The Sun”? For the record, our players have been misquoted
APTW: But didn’t Xavi quote on your official website that Cesc is suffering at Arsenal?
Rossel: Well our players are friends with each other and can talk about these issues openly
APTW: But Cesc is an Arsenal player under contract, Sir…
Rossel: He has Barcelona DNA and he wore the Barcelona jersey after winning the world cup, didn’t he? Puyol & Pique also took his picture down from the Emirates wall and posed with it, didn’t they? Arsenal knows this and they have no problems with it because they know we have utmost respect for Arsenal, moc moc
APTW: Er…well, but if everyone wants Cesc at Barcelona, don’t you think you should pay Arsenal what they value him at, considering he’s their biggest star?
Rossel: See, this type of two penny journalistic garbage is what I don’t like. No wait, scratch that. I like such two penny journalistic garbage
APTW: Why so?
Rossel: I think you’d better talk with Mr. Javier Faus. He will explain to you what numbnuts like you can never fathom…Oi Faus! Come here!!
Faus: Yes, Mr. Rossel
Rossel: This Prem Face smart ass here wants us to pay Arsenal what they value Cesc at!
Faus: Do you now, son? And why should we pay them what they value Cesc at?
APTW: So that you can secure the services of the player you want, who’s under contract at Arsenal. It’ll be good for all the three parties. Barcelona, because they get the player they want…Arsenal because they will have sold their star for the right kind of compensation…and Cesc because this will put an end to all the uncertainty

At this time, Faus & Rossel looked at each other and sniggered.

APTW:  Am I…Am I missing something here?
Faus: My dear boy. This is why you are a two penny reporter out to make a name for yourself and I handle the finances of such a huge club like Barcelona. We don’t need to sign Cesc really. We can afford to have Arsenal sweat it out and then pay at the price we want to pay. Cesc will not be concerned, he has Barcelona DNA
APTW: But Sir, if you do not want to sign him, you should say so!! People are burning Barcelona jerseys on the streets, if you know, during Arsenal’s tour of China!
Faus (roaring with laughter): Ahh my boy. Let me explain you the financials. Having a disgruntled Cesc is bad for Arsenal, yes?
APTW: Check
Faus: Will they probably lower their asking price once they realize Cesc’s Barcelona DNA is affecting his Arsenal ways?
APTW: Check
Faus: So will we get him for cheap?
APTW: Check
Faus: And you know, that’s not all. If we do sign Cesc, he’s not going to sell as many jerseys as Xavi, Iniesta or Messi do. While the time we let Arsenal sweat it out, we continue talking about Cesc and people will end up burning more Barcelona jerseys. So we’re making money out of jersey sales for Cesc without even signing the player. Another couple of months and we’ll be able to afford the colored toners, don’t you think?
APTW: Check
Rossel: Damn, you shouldn’t have mentioned that, you idiot!
Faus: Oh but I miss the colored toners!
APTW: Thanks for the…
Rossel: You’ll be misquoting Mr. Faus if you print this.
APTW: Like I care…like anyone has cared.

Note: For the uninitiated, this article is a work of Satire.


natalia said...

he he he, this is so much fun.

I am an Athletic fan first and foremost, so I can say that Barcelona is a great team, they got the best generation and strengthened it out with signings as Abidal and Villa.

Now, 90% of them speak TOO much bullshit for my taste, I'm so sick about Xavi saying that football "wins" or "loses" according to their results, of the eternal Moc Moc of Pique and Cesc on Twitter (Puyi kinda got mad at them a couple of times for revealing personal stuff of his and his GF Malena), tired of Busquets and Pinto cheating and sick of the whole "Barça DNA"

Puyi and Iniesta are pure class and let the ball do the talking, the rest can rot for all I care.

Point is: they allowed Cesc to go, he flourished in Arsenal and now they want him back and want to pay much less than his market value, hell, they are cheap enough to wait till Cesc refuses to renovate his contract and get him for free because THAT'S HIS OBLIGATION BECAUSE HE CAME OUT OF LA MASIA ZOMG

Cesc is also itchy to leave the club that made him famous because they aren't winning anything, this shows lack of professionalism IMO, you might be a culé at heart but if you're playing for another team you have to give your all for it, he's top dog in one of the best teams of the EPL and wants to go to a Liga team where he will be benched (no way he's taking either Xavi or Iniesta's place right now), he also has tough competition coming in people like Thiago who will have first division place this season.

Will he leave a great position where he's respected and valued to go to his childhood team who let him go without looking back and doesn't value him for what he's worth?

I would really really love to see Cesc at Madrid if only to hear Rosell's BETRAYAL cries and Pique going into suicide watch at Twitter xD

Another Prick In The Wall said...

Those are quite my feelings as well. The Barcelona DNA thing is way overboard. They are a great team right now, probably one of the greatest ever, but they are not the only team with a century old phiosophy or anything remotely like that. They've bought and poached whenever they've wanted to, pushed their weight with governments and the league whenever they've wanted to, just like Real Madrid have done...yet the holier than thou attitude prevails.

Secondly, if you want someone bad, pay up what he's valued at. Undervaluing one of the best players in the Premiership purely because he played for you at some time many years ago is disgraceful. What is more disgraceful is making comments like "Cesc is suffering" as a club representative about players who are under contract at another club and then say it was all in friendship! Unbelievable.

btw, it's no surprise that the two players from barcelona I really love are puyol and iniesta. just like you and everyone else, I feel we love these guys because they've kept their heads down and always let the game talk..and even when they've been asked to comment on controversial topics, they've steered away from it. The moc moc thing is quite irritating though :P

natalia said...

They are like you say one of the best teams in history but it is going to their heads and now they think they ARE football and that everyone should view the game in the same way they do.

No team and no person is above the game, no matter how great they are.

Puyi has the patience of a saint, he's the one who got stuck with Pique, seems no one else really likes him beyond Cesc xD

Another Prick In The Wall said...

Yeah. I really do not like the fact that they continuously preach about the way they play football and show disdain about every other way, branding everything else as "anti-football". it is just not right in my opinion.

You know Sid Lowe from Guardian had written a great article on the influence Puyol has had on Pique. Puyol has always been this shy, reticent kinda guy off the pitch...and Pique is overbearing. Together they form one of the best CB partnerships and a great pair of friends off the pitch. Just like Ronaldo and Kaka.

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