Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Exclusive: Florentino Perez's Fourth Agenda

Latest rumors suggest that Florentino Perez, President of Real Madrid CF, will hold a press conference on Friday, 24th September at 10:00 AM CET. While the purpose of this conference is yet unrevealed and various speculations are rife; some of them suggesting that Jose Mourinho will be fired in light of poor play from the team, while still others suggest that Florentino Perez will step down from the post of El Grande because of a difference in opinion with other board members.

However, after contacting some reputed sources, Another Prick In The Wall exclusively reveals that the press conference is actually a continuation to Perez's earlier address where he made three promises to the Bernabeu faithful. The latest press conference will be to announce Perez's plan to add a fourth point to the agenda. It seems that after watching the match against Espanyol from the VIP Box in the Santiago Bernabeu, Florentino Perez has been locked down in discussions with stadium contractors for the feasibility study to get his new plan underway.

The target is to replace all the seats at the Santiago Bernabeu with expandable recliners so that madridistas can now have a shut-eye till the 60th minute of every game. Depending on how the action is progressing, an official announcement which doubles up as an alarm will be made at the 60th minute, so that the fans can wake up and watch their favorite team in action while still lying down. The marketing department bigwigs coming out of the Santiago Bernabeu offices confirmed today that they're preparing a promotion booklet detailing the advantages of having recliners as opposed to straight backed seats in the Bernabeu. Another Prick In The Wall got up and close with an unnamed source who detailed some of the advantages as under:

a.) If the matches are held early in the day, You can now have a sun bath while watching your favorite team live
b.) If the matches are held late at night, You can have a power nap for the first 60 minutes since the graphs from the Information Systems department shows us that there's nothing of note that happens in the first 60 minutes and you can recharge yourself and prepare for the action by having a power nap
c.) Because of the ineptitude of the forwards in front of the goal, You now wont faint and fall down and risk getting injured (which APTW assumes that you may faint, but since you're already lying down you wont fall and get injured)
d.) Because you're worth it

We will post the full interview of Florentino Perez, once it concludes this Friday. This is it then for now. And remember, you read it first, here and exclusively, on Another Prick In The Wall.

For full stories about the rumors mentioned above, click here.


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