Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Class & Crass : Part I

Its funny how I hear the now already time-honored cliche that World Cup 2010 was unmemorable with one of the most boring finals. It set me thinking whether that actually is the case, and unsurprisingly it isnt. This world cup is very much similar to its predecessors; its got its oomphs and aahhs, its own moments of the Class and the Crass. And the final itself finished in extra time, which is kinda a no brainer seeing as one team was playing football while the other, rugby. Inspite of this, its a damn sight better than WC '06, WC '94 which finished in penalty shootouts. And so like the more respected names in football journalism, I come up with my list of Class and Crass...

Oracle & Media Bytes:

What started as a fun prank turned into an international phenomenon, when an eight armed mollusc predicted the correct match results for Germany. What most people did not know then was that the little octopus named Paul (an English citizen by birth and a German by naturalization) has been predicting the outcome of Germany's matches since Euro '08 and had got only 1 prediction wrong, that of the Euro final where he sided with Germany and lost. Experience has made most of us they we are today, and Paul is no exception. This time he was wiser and sided with Spain and continued his new found love for Spain by tipping them to win the world cup. The by-product of this was that the Octopus, in the last 2 weeks garnered more media bytes than most prominent humans on the planet, got a replica trophy of his own which he hugged with a disposition of sublime supplication and all this amidst Germans and Argentinos demanding that he be served as lunch for them with the Spanish offering him state protection. Insane! This is one of THE moments of this world cup. Class: 10, Crass: 0 (The Class & Crass rating is heavily influenced by money seeing as almost half a million dollars were made by people who sided with Paul, while a similar amount was lost by those who bet against him)

Inglourious Basterds:

Honestly, its quite surprising and disgusting seeing how many people are trying to justify Suarez's hand ball on the goal line with the anyone-would-do-that-for-their-country line. For me, it was a downright disgusting act and an insult to the game, and I feel that going forward deliberate fouls or hand balls on the goal line should be punishable by allowing the goal to stand and / or awarding the offender with a multiple match ban and a fine. Talking about bans, Nigel The Dong and Van Pummel were lucky to stay on the pitch after their attempts at kickboxing. Trying to keep up the spirit of the game must've been so hard for poor Howard Webb who showed immense courage in awarding them only yellows. Had Spain not won, he would've been suffering from an enormous media backlash from the Iberian Peninsula. FIFA should make an example out of both and ban them, especially The Dong who had the audacity to claim that such tackles were quite alright earlier and such things happen in Football. Apologies to Quentin Tarantino, but there's nothing glorious about these Inglourious Basterds. Crass: 10, Class: 0. And a generous 7 Crass points to the ones who are justifying Suarez's actions or agreeing with The Dong's rant.

Bomb at the Box-Office:

Messi went from being the Messiah and Maradona's Hit to a teary eyed baby who said that his pattering duck feet couldn't do any more and yet foul mouthed Maradona never got the deserved, generous dose of floor cleaner shoved down his throat. Torres went from being a Kop Hot to Pork Chop, while Ronaldo, marooned high up on the flank and distinctly out of ideas, lived up to the haters' banner name of LOLando. Personally, I never expected much from Rooney, and while The Shrek lumbered about at the head of a distinctly overrated english squad, he did a very good impersonation of the Looney Tunes once back in England, by whipping his son and wife off to vacation to avoid the indignity. Four commercial hits could manage just 1 goal between them and people blamed the pitch and the ball. If I was that big a hit, I would've been confident of scoring a screamer in the world cup with an egg, team or no team, coach or no coach. I've never looked up to these Fab four with the same kind of adoration I generally reserve for Ronaldo (The Real One), and Zinedine Zidane. Yeah Yeah, one banged trannies and the other banged his head against Materazzi, but still one holds the record of being the highest goal scorer ever at the World Cup, while the other carried a Domenech un-inspired France to the World Cup Final. And that brings me to the biggest show on Earth at that time apart from the World Cup, Domenech's France NT. If it was not for the fact that the show happened as part of a football tournament, the resulting movie would've been a chart topping one. And I feel that 10 Crass points are just not enough! .......Oh, are you expecting any class points?!

To be Continued...


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